Mormon Family

Creating Learning Centered Homes

Every home should be  a house of learning, where children are taught to value life-long, self-directed learning. (Read more.) Here are a variety of topics on making your home a house of learning.

Teaching Language Skills to Babies: Language development begins right at birth. Parents can prepare their babies to have strong language skills through simple, everyday activities. (Read more.)

Combating Materialism in Children: Do your children ask for too many toys? Do they own too many things? Learn how to raise children who are not focused on having excessive possessions. (Read more.)

What is Homeschooling? Homeschooling is growing in popularity. Learn how it works and how to know if it’s right for your family. (Read more.)

Strengthening Families Through Homeschooling: Because homeschooled families spend a great deal of time together, parents have almost unlimited opportunities to bring their families closer together. (Read more.)

Teaching Children to Read at Home:

This multi-part series teaches you how to teach your child to read at home without pressure and with minimal expense. This is helpful for parents whose children want to read early, for those homeschooling, and for parents whose children are simply not succeeding in their school lessons.

Part 1: What your child needs before he reads. Don’t start the process until he has this basic life experience.

Part 2: Reading Readiness Your child needs a good imagination and matching skills, among other things, to be a good reader. Here’s how to give him those skills.

Part 3: Colors and Shapes. The skills used in learning colors and shapes prepare a child for the abstractions of letters and words. Fun and easy ways to teach these skills.

Part 4: The alphabet. Singing the alphabet is only the start. Help your child learn to recognize and match the letters, both lowercase and uppercase.

Part 5: Reading First Words: The first words a child learns should be his name and the names of those he loves.

Part 6: Phonics

Part &: Reading Sentences: The first sentences are personal and lead to the creation of a first reading book that is all about your child.

See the bottom of this article for links to earlier parts of this series.

In previous articles we explored the skills a child needs to be able to read and also learned how to teach the alphabet. Now we’re finally ready to start teaching a child to read.

There are two ways to cope with the words found in books. Phonics is the method currently in fashion. Phonics involves learning the sounds letters and letter combinations make and then sounding out words. The other method is called sight reading. This means a child memorizes the word. Many schools today focus on just one system, which is short-sighted and limits a child’s ability to read well. If a child has to sound out every word, it will take him too long to read a story and he will be focused on sounding out, not understanding or enjoying his material. However, if he has to memorize every word, it will take him too long to learn how to read and will limit his ability to figure out unfamiliar words. In addition, some children, particularly those with learning challenges, will not be able to learn one system or the other. By teaching both, you allow the child more opportunity to succeed and to build on his strengths.

When I taught my preschoolers to read, I started with sight reading. I wanted them to get the basic concept of reading and to be able to read their first stories quickly and easily. The first time a child opens a book and starts reading, it should be a successful experience. As I taught words, I taught phonics informally. Later, when children are old enough for worksheets, you can add phonics worksheets for more formal training.

When you were teaching the alphabet, you began playing with helping your child learn to recognize his name. You were starting sight reading at that time. A child’s name, and the names of people and pets he loves, is a great way to get started with reading. First words and sentences should be meaningful to a child.

You’re not going to start with a book because, as mentioned earlier, you don’t want to go there until the child is ready to be successful. Instead, you’ll only need file cards and pictures of family members. On cards, write each of your child’s names—first, middle, and last—each on a different card. Set out the names with a picture of your child. Under the child’s picture, print his name so the letters match the ones on your card. (Decide in advance how you will write the letter “a.” Do you want to write it the way it’s found in books, or the way we normally print it? I used the method found in books and showed the difference in them when I taught writing later.

At first, you’re just going to get him used to seeing the words in the right order and together. Put the picture on a bulletin board with the names under it. Periodically, point them out, saying what each word is as you touch the card. Invite him to do the same thing. One day, when you feel he’s ready, put them on the floor out of order, but still under the picture. Say, “Oh, look. The cards got mixed up. I wonder how I get them back in order?” Let him try, gently helping him as needed. Say, when he makes a mistake, “Oh, I think this one goes here, because it says Matthew, which is your first name. So it has to be first.”

Do this off and on for a few days until he can do it naturally. At the same time, make multiple copies of the name cards and let him practice sorting them as you help him “read” the card. All of these activities will teach him to read his name informally without worksheets or books.

Next, obtain pictures of each member of your family. You want individual photos. Include the pets. Make first name cards for them, but use whatever the child calls the person (Mommy, Suzie, Sis…). Set out your child’s picture and one other picture. Set out his name card and the name card of the other person. Ask him to find his name card and place it under his picture. He should be able to do this easily. If he can’t, postpone the next activity. Now show him the other name card and picture. Ask him who is in the picture. Say, “Yes, that’s Daddy, and this card says, “Daddy.” Can you put Daddy’s name card under his picture? Good work!”

Remove the name cards and hand them back to him, asking him to do it again. Do this a few times, but not so long he gets bored. To vary it, put the pictures in different places in the room and let him run to get them. Over the coming weeks, add one new name at a time, never more than one a day. You’ll probably need a number of days or even weeks to be ready for the next name. Don’t add a new name until he completely knows the ones you’ve already introduced. You want every early step to be easy and successful. Later, you won’t worry as much about complete mastery in advance, but by then he will consider himself a good reader.

When he knows all the names, play a new game. This one is harder and will take time to master. Set out the pictures, but put the wrong names under two of them. See if he notices. If he doesn’t, point out to him some things are a little mixed up. If you have a pet, you can make this funny by putting a parent’s name under the pet. Children find this amusing. Ask him to fix it. Over the next few days, mix up more of them. Only add one new mix-up a day so you don’t overwhelm him. When there are too many, back up and use fewer.

Once he is comfortable with this, hand him all the cards and ask him to put them under the right person.

In the next article, we’ll learn our first sentences.

Continue to Teaching Children to Read Sentences.

Previous articles in this series:

Part 1: What your child needs before he reads. Don’t start the process until he has this basic life experience.

Part 2: Reading Readiness Your child needs a good imagination and matching skills, among other things, to be a good reader. Here’s how to give him those skills.

Part 3: Colors and Shapes. The skills used in learning colors and shapes prepare a child for the abstractions of letters and words. Fun and easy ways to teach these skills.

Part 4: The alphabet. Singing the alphabet is only the start. Help your child learn to recognize and match the letters, both lowercase and uppercase.

Read the earlier articles in this series on teaching your child to read:

Part 1:  What your child needs before he reads.

Part 2: Teaching reading readiness skills

Part 3: Teaching colors and shapes in preparation for reading

In previous articles in this series on teaching children to read, we learned to help children have god vocabularies, a wide range of life experiences, basic academic skills like shapes, colors, and matching. Today, we’ll tackle the alphabet, which is the final pre-reading skill.

Informal Learning

You may find your child already knows some of the alphabet. To teach it informally, read alphabet books and find letters wherever you are. When my children were little, we used waiting times in doctor’s offices and other places to look for all the A’s, or all the B’s. Sing the alphabet song with your child, but slow it down when you get to L-M-N-O-P, because children tend to think that is all one letter with a long name.

Singing the alphabet is not the same as knowing the alphabet, just as reciting numbers isn’t the same as counting. It’s a good way to learn the order, but it’s likely your child doesn’t know what the song actually means.

Lowercase letters

Start with the lowercase letters. Don’t teach the capital and the lowercase at the same time, since this can be confusing. When your child can sing the alphabet, start teaching him to match letters. We learned earlier how to teach matching, and you can use the same methods to help your child match the alphabet. In addition, put large letters on a flannel board or other surfaces. Have your child practice placing a matching letter under each letter on the board. Say the names of the letters as your child does this, always saying “lowercase d.” Later, start asking your child what the letter is. If he doesn’t know, just tell him—remember, reading is fun, so no scolding or disappointment. It’s not a test. It’s a game.

Start playing with words a little during this time. Put a picture of your child on a bulletin board with his name in large plain letters below. Each day, help him “spell” his name by pointing to the letters in order as he says their name. At first, you’ll have to do the pointing and also coach, but in time he will learn it.

When teaching Primary (the auxiliary for Mormon children) I often have a word of the day for young children. I choose a key word from the lesson, such as Jesus, and write it on a large card. I let the children tell me the letters if they know them and then I tell them the whole word, running my fingers under the word. Throughout class, I stop and ask them what the word is. Of course, they aren’t really reading; they’re remembering. It’s a first step to reading and for some, it leads to learning to read, since they take the word home and some will keep practicing if they’re interested. For those who aren’t interested, there is no pressure. It’s just a game, not a test.

Structured Learning

Once you think he’s ready for more structured learning, teach the letters out of order. Choose two letters that look very different from each other. I like to start with the letters in the child’s name, since those letters will have meaning for him in time. First have him sort the two letters, just as you’ve done in the past. Talk about the name of the letters as you sort them. He will most likely learn the names without any formal testing this way. If you want to do some type of testing, treat it like a game. Hold up a letter and ask him what it is, or hold up two letters and ask him to show you which one is D.

Capital Letters

Once your child knows the names of the lowercase letters, help him notice the sentences in his books. Show him that the first letter in each sentence, and the first letter in names looks different than the letters he’s been learning. They’re called capital letters and they tell us to pay attention because something special is happening, like a name or a new sentence. Tell him every lowercase letter has a capital letter friend and you’re going to start learning them.

Set out five copies of the letter you want to start with—probably the first letter in his first name. Have five capital letters and five lowercase letters. Let him sort them as you say, “lowercase a” or “capital A.”

Your Child’s Name as a Teaching Tool

When he’s mastered this, teach the second letter in his name. Then put the two letters together, mixed up, and let him sort them by both letter and case. This is tricky and younger children might have trouble doing it.

When he’s learned all the letters in both cases for his name, help him spell his name with the cut out letters. Show him how to choose a capital for the first letter of each name and lowercase for the remainder of each name. You will probably need to spell it out yourself with additional letters and let him put the matching letters below.

Just for fun, teach him to spell his name. Set out his name in the cutout letters, but leave off the first letter. Show him it’s missing and ask him if he knows what letter goes there. At first he won’t know, but if you do it every day, he will eventually remember. Then you can move leave out the second letter, and eventually both letters. In time, he will learn to “spell” his name, which makes it easier to read it.

These little lessons shouldn’t last more than five to fifteen minutes a day. If your child isn’t having fun, stop right away and start again another time. If you’re teaching him before he goes to school anyway, he doesn’t need to know this. It’s just for fun, so make sure it really is fun.

Based on ideas from Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen, in a forthcoming book called, “What We Need to Know and Do.”

Preparation: On a large piece of poster board, draw a variety of doors with large keyholes. Cut out a number of cardboard keys. You will also need Bibles for each person.

 Temptation is an essential part of life on earth. Satan’s goal is to make everyone as miserable as he is, and he does this by trying to get us to disobey God. It’s important for children and teenagers to become skilled at recognizing and avoiding giving in to the temptations of the world, and instead to remember the promises they’ve made to take on the Savior’s name and to keep the commandments. This family night lesson helps them recognize temptation, accept it as a part of life, but to know they do not have to give in to it.

Ask your family to turn to Luke 4 in the New Testament. The quotes used in this lesson and the link to the chapter are from the King James translation of the Bible.

Ask them to imagine they had been fasting for forty days. Do they know what it means to fast? It means Jesus had been without food or drink all this time. If your children are younger, show them how many days it is on a calendar. Ask them how they’d feel if they’d gone without food or drink for that long. How do they think Jesus felt? He had a body, and felt the same things they would feel.

Ask them how they think having been without food or drink for so long might affect their ability to make decisions and choices. Sometimes when we are tired and hungry, our minds aren’t as clear and our willpower is weak. Jesus had been baptized by John and then went off alone to fast for forty days in preparation for beginning his ministry. Satan knew this and hoped Jesus, like us, would find it hard to think clearly or be strong while he was weakened from the fast. Remind them that even though Jesus was sacred, he still had a human body in many ways and would be just as hungry and tired as we would be.

Ask someone to read verses 2 through 4. In these verses, we learn that Satan, knowing Jesus was hungry, tried to convince Him to turn a stone into bread. He was tempting Jesus to do something wrong. Why do you think it would be wrong for Jesus to turn the stone to bread when He was hungry. (He was given these special powers to do God’s work, not to satisfy his personal needs, so it would be an abuse of his priesthood.)

How did Jesus respond? What did He mean?

Satan realized Jesus wasn’t willing to destroy His promise to be our Savior just for some bread, so he tried another temptation on Jesus. This was a more serious one.

Next, ask someone to read verses five to eight. What did Satan want Jesus to do this time? Why would this be wrong? What did Jesus do?

Ask someone to read verses nine to twelve. Ask the same questions again. Invite them to notice that in verse thirteen we see Satan didn’t leave Jesus forever, just for a season, meaning a time.

Ask the family to notice the pattern to how Jesus responded to each temptation. Ask them if Satan also tries to tempt us today. Tell them Satan will never give up trying to turn us away from God and His commandments, and so we always have to be alert and ready to stand up to him, even when we’re tired. We can look at how Jesus handled His temptations to find clues for handling our own.

Jesus saw Satan and knew who he was. Will Satan appear directly to us to tempt us? No, he comes to us through other people, media, and any place there is someone willing to convince us that evil is not evil. Satan comes in disguise, and might be disguised as a favorite actor, a best friend, even a teacher. (Make sure they realize those people are not really Satan. This means that anyone who wants us to disobey God’s commandments is doing Satan’s work.)

Ask someone to read John 14:15: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.”

Invite them to read Matthew 7:21 also to see the consequences of not obeying the commandments: “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.”

Jesus taught us that if we love Him we will keep His commandments. This means we have to resist temptation, even when it’s hard or we don’t understand why God wants us to do something.

We can’t resist temptation until we know what is expected of us. Ask your family to list the places they can learn the commandments.

Show the poster with the doors. Explain that temptations can cause a locked door between us and God. It’s important we discover the key to unlocking the temptation, so we can go into God and shut out the temptation. Ask your family to name several temptations they might face, such as invitations to “cool” parties that involve drinking, cheating on tests and so on. As they name each one, write it on a door. Then hold up a key and ask the person who thought of the temptation to come up with a key that would unlock the power of the temptation, making it powerless so you could enter into God’s presence. (Remind them no unclean thing can enter into God’s kingdom so they must learn to overcome the temptations to become unclean. You may also want to discuss repentance when they do sin.)

Example: Door: Someone is making fun of me and I’m tempted to yell at them.

Key: Read stories of how Jesus reacted when people were mean to Him. Determine to follow His example.

They key to overcoming temptations is always to draw closer to the Lord and to follow His example and teachings. Encourage your family to work on finding personal keys to their own temptations. Give each person a key on which to write something they will do to improve their ability to overcome temptations.

God talks often of trust in the Bible. He wants us to trust Him and He needs to be able to trust us. It’s also important that others be able to trust us. This family night lesson helps parents teach their children how to be trustworthy and also to understand who to trust and when.

Advance preparation: A few days before the family night, ask each person in your family to do something or to take care of something important to you. Tell them you won’t be checking in or reminding them until family night, when they will report to the family how they did—you are simply going to trust them to do what needs to be done. Remind them it’s important, and that you are certain they can be trusted with the responsibility. Have your spouse or oldest child trust you with something as well.

At the start of family night, ask your family to account for the responsibilities you assigned. Begin by accounting for your own responsibility. Explain how you felt knowing the person who assigned it to you trusted you. Then ask the others to account for their responsibilities.

Introduce a discussion on being trustworthy. Ask them how they felt being entrusted with something and how they felt when they completed it or didn’t complete it. Ask some of these questions as your discussion progresses:

1. What does it mean to be trustworthy?
2. Why does it matter if people can trust you?
3. If your parents trust you, how could that affect your life?
4. If God could trust you, what would that mean for your life?
5. What do you have to do to become trustworthy to your parents, teachers, siblings, and others?
6. What do you have to do to be trustworthy to God? 

Give each child a sheet of paper and ask them to move to a place where others can’t see what they’re writing. Have them think privately about whether or not they are trustworthy. Then ask them to write three things they will do to become more trustworthy to each of the following:

1. God
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Others in authority (teachers, church leaders, etc.)

Provide them with an envelope to put their papers into. If you’d like, have them decorate it and label it. Tell them to put it in a safe place, but to read it every day until they feel they have become trustworthy. Remind them they may need to add new goals when they complete the first three.

Next, talk about learning to trust. Trust is complicated, because, while it is important to trust, we have to know who to trust and when to trust.

Use this example or a similar one to capture their attention:

Tell them to imagine they received an email or telephone call telling them school was cancelled tomorrow. If they knew for sure it came from the principal, would they trust it? What if it came from another student? One aspect of deciding who to trust is the source. If the information comes from someone with the proper authority, they are more likely to be correct or truthful.

Now ask them to imagine being at a party and being offered a new kind of drink. Their friends assure them it is safe and will make them feel happy and energetic. Should they trust or should they consult with a parent?

Ask them how they know if someone else is trustworthy. Answers might include:the person has a history of truthfulness and dependableness, the person has a good reputation as a caring and responsible person, or the person has never asked them to do anything inappropriate.

Remind them that not everyone is trustworthy. If they are asked to do something they know is wrong, even if the person is in authority, they should talk to their parents about it before obeying.

List several circumstances your children might find themselves in and discuss, as a family, the best approach to each one. Be sure to listen to your children’s ideas before offering your own. Following are some sample situations:

1. Your teacher is having a learning activity about Japan. She gives each child a cup of tea. Your parents have decided tea is not good for children, but your teacher says you have to drink it because it’s part of school, and one glass won’t hurt. What will you do?
2. Your friend didn’t finish her homework. She asks you to let you copy hers. You are new, but she assures you the teachers don’t mind as long as it’s only once in a while.
3. One of your classmates sends an email to many students in the class telling something bad about another student, saying he knows for a fact it’s true and everyone should stay away from that person.
4. You promised your mother you’d be home right after school to help her with a project. Your teacher has asked you to stay late to help her with a project. What should you do as a trustworthy person?
5. You have been asked to do several things by a teacher, your father, your youth leader at church and your coach. You thought you could do them all, but you’re discovering some of the projects are taking longer than you thought and you also have a test coming up you need to study for. As a trustworthy person, how will you handle the problem?

Share the following story with your family:

Pumpkins Really Come from Seeds—Trust Me

As a young parent I was trying to help my sons, Brett and Cory, learn about the power within a seed—how God had created this little seed that could grow and grow and grow. I said, “Trust me; these little seeds are going to become pumpkins. We are going to have jack-o-lanterns for Halloween.” They looked at me with doubt, for they had never seen a pumpkin seed before, and having never been raised on a farm, couldn’t imagine that something as big as a pumpkin could come from these little seeds. I told them that there would be many pumpkins from each plant. I even showed them the package of seeds with the picture. They began to think, and then said, “You mean, Dad, that these little seeds will actually become pumpkins?” I replied, “Yep, they sure will. Trust me.”

I then explained how we had to plant the seeds, then water, fertilize, and weed the area so that the plants might grow. It would take work, and the hard thing was that it would take a long time. It would take patience. They boys would check to see how the seeds were doing every day. Nothing was happening. I reminded them it would take two to three months for the pumpkins to grow, but that pretty soon a little green sprout would come out of the ground. I reminded them, “Trust me.”

The day finally came when the little green sprout started to come from all the “mounds” where we had planted the seeds. They were excited, and so was I. The summer passed, and the pumpkins grew, and the boys said, “I can’t believe it. Those little seeds made these great big pumpkins. We trust you, Dad.” Sweet words to a daddy. I guess to be trusted we must be trustworthy—we must prove ourselves to be worthy of trust.  (Ed J. Pinegar, excerpted from a forthcoming book called, “What We Need to Know and Do” by Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen,  )

If there were people in your family who did not complete the assignments you trusted them with, challenge them to complete them very quickly, in order to earn the trust you’re eager to place in them.

A successful life isn’t one that just happens. It must be planned for. Your children are more likely to be successful if they begin when they are young to live a purposeful life. This family night lesson helps them choose ambitions, both secular and spiritual, and to make a plan to carry them out.

Learn how to plan a family night.

Prior to this family night, give each person a notebook. Put subject dividers into it, with sections for various aspects of life—school, career, religion, relationships, etc. You may want to leave the labels blank for older children, teens, and adults, so they can choose their own categories. If possible, choose a notebook that allows you to insert a paper into the cover, so each person can decorate his or her cover. Provide art materials to use for this purpose. If the notebook doesn’t have a clear cover, choose materials that can be glued to the notebook.

When you are ready to begin the lesson, give your family members paper and ask them to make a list of areas of their life in which they’d like to be successful. Offer suggestions to help them make their lists. If their lists are too long, have them narrow them to a number you consider reasonable for their ages. Include spirituality or religion as one choice.

Ask them to tell you how they would feel if they were successful in each of these areas and why. They may have different reasons for different items. Tell them that today you will help them achieve those goals.

Plan an outing to help your children understand the importance of planning. Tell your family you’d like to do something fun as a family this coming Saturday. Ask if they think it would work out to get into the car and drive aimlessly around, hoping to run into something fun. Why not? (You might never find something, and if you do, you may not have everything with you that you need.)

Together, plan a location. Make a list of what you should take with you to have an enjoyable day, and what would be appropriate to wear. Then bring out a map and plan the route you’ll take. Discuss how this planning will make the trip more successful.

Tell your family their notebooks are like roadmaps and trip plans. They are planning their lives, the route they want to take, and the steps they need to take to prepare. Where do they want to end up at the end of their lives?

Read several obituaries to your family. Ask them to write their own, as if they died at age 90. Decide what they’d like it to say about what they did and who they are. Have them place these at the beginning of their notebooks, telling them that to be successful, we must see the end from the beginning.

Have them label the tabs on their dividers and then choose one section to work on that evening. They should begin by writing a brief summary of where they want to end up for that particular category. Next, they need to write out the steps for getting there. This can be complicated, so it is wise to walk them through it by working on one as a group. Choose a category that you want your entire family to work on, and then make a family plan to achieve it. Write out each of the large steps, and then outline smaller steps to help you achieve each larger one.

Example:

Final Goal: Be a person who gives regular Christ-like service to others.

Large step 1: Choose a regular service project.

Baby step a: research organizations in my town that use volunteers.

Baby step b: Choose one I’m passionate about.

Baby step c: Clear space in my calendar and decide how much time I can give the organization.

Baby step d: Contact the organization and offer my services.

You would continue by choosing perhaps two or three more large steps that would lead to you living a Christ-like life of service.

Your family may want to illustrate the pages on which they write their goals by drawing or by gluing pictures that will serve as motivation. You may also want to provide a variety of quotes to glue onto pages as inspiration.

After your family has completed one goal section, stop and discuss the ideas they need to understand in order to succeed at their goals. The following are taken from Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen, excerpted from a forthcoming book called, “What We Need to Know and Do.

1. From the beginning, seek the ultimate confirmation of success.

• The key indicator—How do you know you are successful? Because you have in your heart a lasting sense of peace, harmony, contentment, unity with loved ones, and a love of life. If you have that, you are successful.
• The deceptive indicator—Bank accounts can evaporate. Worldly fame can fade. Laurels can crumble with time. Inner peace comes from other sources.

2. Go after the kind of success that is permanent.

• Lasting success—Align your success with gospel principles and ideals—family relationships, a legacy of honesty and integrity, the positive outcomes of service, contributing to lasting achievements: peace, harmony, balance, and well-being in the world.
• Fleeting success—Avoid aligning your success with things that are temporary, things of momentary pleasure, things that fade.
• Balance—Keep balance in your life. Success in business and in professional pursuits is desirable as long as priorities are aligned with the well-being and success of the family, and as long as enduring principles are followed. “It is all right to own things, as long as you don’t let them own you,” observed John Kim.
• Spiritual wealth—There is such a thing as spiritual wealth, which consists of the blessings that come from following principles of enduring worth: faith, love, charity, and obedience to higher commandments. Make that kind of wealth a central part of your life plan.

3. Make and follow a plan—Even with correct priorities in place and solid alignment with lasting principles established, you still need a plan in order to succeed. Therefore, remember these essentials:

• Have a vision of success—Identify your objective, your vision. Be sure your objective is for the good of all.
• List your goals—Make sure they are realistic.
• Make an action plan of things to do each day—Focus on the key actions that will leverage your progress.
• Gather the essential resources—Don’t forget to devote sufficient time to your cause. Prepare well.
• Build a team of co-workers, mentors, and guides—There is great advantage in doing it together.
• Establish the milestones along the way—Build success one milestone at a time.
• Measure your success as you go—Keep score. Know where you are at every moment.
• Make necessary midcourse corrections—Go around obstacles, over road bumps, through adversity. No one said it would be easy—only worth it!

4. Stick with it—Be sure that your desire, dedication, perseverance, discipline, enthusiasm, and patience are adequate to see you through. Each of these is a subject in itself to help you succeed.

• Desire—This is the motivation that will keep you going.
• Enthusiasm—This will be contagious to all those with whom you work.
• Dedication and perseverance—This will help you never give up. Benjamin Disraeli said, “The secret of success is constancy of purpose.” Anubhav Luhadia counseled, “Success never comes before work except in the dictionary.”
• Discipline—This will create an exact course for success. Cullen Hightower observed, “Failure can be bought on easy terms; success must be paid for in advance.”
• Patience—This will keep hope alive, for time is your ally and it takes time to succeed. Edward Eggleston declared, “Persistent people begin their success where others end in failure.”

You may want to print this for your family to put in their notebooks. The notebooks can have a section for articles on goal setting the family finds and wants to turn to regularly.

Have them note that in section three of this quote, they are told they need an action plan for each day. Ask them to add to the plan they made a few minutes ago a daily plan for the next two weeks. Explain they may find they have to periodically start over or change direction as they learn what is needed or recover from mistakes, but that this is fine. If they keep working at it, they will eventually succeed, even if the progress is slow. The more time they spend working toward success, the better they will become at it. It’s often said success can be become a habit. Each time they succeed, they will be more likely to see themselves as successful.

Allow the family to decorate the covers of their notebooks before stopping the lesson. They can finish adding goals and plans on their own in the coming months.

This family night lesson is designed to help older children and teens to become the very best they can become. They will become motivated to do their best in their chosen tasks, rather than rushing through something to get it done. The materials are adapted from Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen,  from a forthcoming book called, “What We Need to Know and Do.

Learn to plan a family night.

Make a poster with the word excellence in the center. Circle the word. Draw lines from the circle going outward. You’ll need ten lines. Then make pretty word strips with the following words, one word or phrase per strip:

1. is a state of mind
2. is rooted in principle
3. is balanced
4. is realistic
5. is measurable
6. is resourceful
7. is teachable
8. is tireless
9. is resilient

10. teaches others

Make a copy of the following handout from  Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen, excerpted from a forthcoming book called, “What We Need to Know and Do. Cut the numbered items apart and clip the explanation to the phrase wordstrip. Place these in a box or bag.

When the lesson begins, ask each family member to write down three things they do extremely well. Encourage family members to add two more things to each person’s list. Remind them to only say kind things.

Ask them how they became good at these things and how it makes them feel to be skilled at them. Is there a purpose or benefit to doing something really well, as opposed to doing it badly? 

Give your family two boxes of items that can be used to make something. These can be random items, such as small boxes, ribbon, and old magazines. Each person can have his own boxes or the family can work together as a team. Ask them to open one box and create something in three minutes. Then have them open the other box and take as long as they’d like. Tell them to do their very best work on each box. Afterwards, help them discover how much nicer the finished project is when they take their time, plan, and work carefully. Ask them to write, on the paper where they wrote things they’re good at, one thing in their life that would be better if they strove for excellence in it, instead of just rushing through it. Invite them to list why it would be better and then to make a plan for excellence. You might also want to choose a family project—something you can strive for as a group in which to achieve excellence.

Set out the poster you made earlier. Have each person take turns drawing out a clipped set. Have them glue or attach the phrase to one of the lines on the poster and then read the explanation. Discuss each one, and apply it to the family project or invite family members to apply it to their own project.

Read the following story to your family:

“This philosophy of excellence was demonstrated by the artist Whistler, who once painted a tiny picture of a spray of roses. The artistry involved was magnificent. Never before, it seemed, had the art of man been able to execute quite so deftly a reproduction of the art of nature. The picture was the envy of the artists who saw it, the despair of the collectors who yearned to buy it for their collections, but Whistler refused steadfastly to sell it.

“For,” said he, “whenever I feel that my hand has lost its cunning, whenever I doubt my ability, I look at the little picture of the spray of roses and say to myself, ‘Whistler, you painted that. Your hand drew it. Your imagination conceived the colors. Your skill put the roses on the canvas.’ Then,” he said, “I know that what I have done I can do again.”

Then he gave us a great philosophy of success. He said, “Hang on the walls of your mind the memory of your successes. Take counsel of your strength, not your weakness. Think of the good jobs you have done. Think of the times when you rose above your average level of performance and carried out an idea or a dream or a desire for which you had deeply longed. Hang these pictures on the walls of your mind and look at them as you travel the roadway of life.” (Sterling W. Sill, “Great Experiences,” Ensign, Jun 1971, 43.)

Ask your family to think of something they could put in their rooms or somewhere else important to them that would remind them of how much they are capable of. If they don’t feel they’ve created something like that yet, encourage them to begin working on it. The item doesn’t have to be a painting or a poem. They might want to take a picture of something they’ve done or hang a picture of them doing something special. For instance, a teen who is really good with small children might frame a picture of herself playing with a child. A child who has a garden might want a photo of her garden.

They might also want to create something to remind them of something they want to excel in. This can serve as a reminder of the goal they set earlier in the lesson.

Finish off by making something as a family and trying to do it as well as possible—baking and decorating cookies to eat and to give away, for instance.

The basic unit of society is the family. Whenever civilization struggles, it is often a result of broken homes where values are neither lived nor taught. In today’s world, the family is at risk. Too many people do not protect the rights and values of the family. Families can be blessed one at a time with committed parents and children. Remember, Mormon doctrine teaches that families are forever.

In 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints read a proclamation to a gathering of women. This proclamation states candidly and simply the Church’s doctrine about families, the roles of fathers and mothers, and the responsibilities each of us has to protect the family. The proclamation is the standard for our families in all things. Let us ponder it, live it, and teach it to all mankind.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

(This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah. Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.)

“We are a church which bears testimony of the importance of the family—the father, the mother, the children—and of the fact that we are all children of God our Eternal Father. Parents who bring children into the world have a responsibility to love those children, to nurture them and care for them, to teach them those values which would bless their lives so that they will grow to become good citizens. If there is less trouble in the homes, there will be less trouble in the nations. I want to emphasize that which is already familiar to you, and that is the importance of binding our families together with love and kindness, with appreciation and respect, and with teaching the ways of the Lord so that your children will grow in righteousness and avoid the tragedies which are overcoming so many families across the world” (Veracruz Mexico Regional Conference, January 28, 1996) (Gordon B. Hinckley, Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1997], 208).

“Remember, the family is one of God’s greatest fortresses against the evils of our day. Help keep your family strong and close and worthy of our Father in Heaven’s blessings. As you do, you will receive faith and strength, which will bless your lives forever” (Ezra Taft Benson, Come, Listen to a Prophet’s Voice [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1990], 2).

You can make a difference in your family by doing these kinds of things:

• Priorities—Make your family your number one priority in time and effort.
• Decisions—Equate everything you do with this standard: “Will what I do bless my family?” If it won’t, don’t do it.
• Service—Look daily for ways to help each member of the family. In doing so, cultivate perhaps the most important interpersonal skill of all: listening.
• Praise—Seek to praise and compliment every day.
• Guidance—Never criticize or condemn the person; separate the behavior from the person. Help them understand and appreciate what they should do; then their attitude and behavior will change.
• Cooperation—Competition often breeds problems; therefore, emphasize cooperation.
• Family council—Meet together in family council regularly to discuss concerns, standards, needs, and solutions and to plan a calendar of things to do together.
• Safety—Make your home a safe place, a place of security, a refuge from the world, where love abounds and peace is a hallmark. 
• Learning—Make your home a place of learning. Learning values and standards, developing life skills, and pursuing a quality education begin at home. Establish the family on a bedrock of enduring principles such as trust, love, honesty, accountability, and spiritual truth.
•  Family prayer—Spend time kneeling together in prayer. And remember the haunting words never uttered by the dying wealthy businessman: “I wish I had spent more time at the office.”
• Family scripture time—Set a regular time each day to search the scriptures together as a family.
• Family home evening—Hold regular family home evening on Monday nights. Involve the entire family in all of the activities.
• Family interviews—On a monthly basis visit with each child personally to listen to his or her concerns. Take time to teach, train, nurture, give blessings, and help each child in every way possible.
• Family traditions—Create special times and places to establish righteous and enjoyable activities that have lasting value in the lives of family members.
• Be a wise media gatekeeper —Parents have a sacred obligation to ensure that their children receive only those influences in the home that are uplifting and conducive to righteous patterns of living. Media influences are a mixed bag. Careful and wise judgment is called for.

 “An Antarctic Insight”

Admiral Byrd was alone at Ross Barrier in the midst of a terrible Antarctic storm. The temperature was 72 below. The stove in his make shift shelter was faulty and carbon monoxide threatened his life. He did survive and lived to write his book Alone.

While keeping that lonely vigil in that far part of our universe, he meditated much and penned these words deep with meanings, for to him his role of father and husband was the supreme value and joy in his life. He wrote:

“At the end only two things really matter to a man, regardless of who he is, and they are the affection and understanding of his family.

“Anything and everything else he creates are insubstantial; they are ships given over to the mercy of the winds and tides of prejudice. But the family is an everlasting anchorage, a quiet harbor where a man’s ship can be left to swing in the moorings of pride and loyalty.” (—Anonymous)

SOME MORE THOUGHTS ON THE FAMILY

• “The family is the most effective place to instill lasting values in its members.” —James E. Faust 
• “The home . . . may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife.” —Spencer W. Kimball  
• “A man cannot leave a better legacy to the world than a well-educated family.” —Thomas Scott
• “The chief purpose of the family is to rear happy, intelligent, healthy and spiritually directed personalities.” —Roy A. West

The number of things one can do to strengthen the family is limitless. The only things required to really strengthen families are the proper desire, attitude, work ethic, and values—all of which are based on love. We all have observed this in families that are well adjusted and happy. It is for us to do—to make our families the best they can be. Never give up. There is no more important mission than to leave behind for your family a legacy of love, harmony, peace, and righteous principles for living.

This article has been adapted from What We Need to Know and Do, by Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen.

We can go through our lives whining, bored, and unhappy, or we can cheerfully work through our responsibilities and strive to make life interesting and meaningful. Often the pattern is set in childhood. This family night lesson helps your family choose to live life enthusiastically.

Learn how to plan a family night.

Assign the family two brief chores to do at the start of the lesson. Tell them you’re sorry, but you forgot to have these done before the meeting, so the family night would have to be delayed a little. During the first one, set the tone by being whiny and complaining. When the second one is about to begin, stop and say, “Wow! That wasn’t that hard of a job, but I think I made it miserable for all of us by whining and dragging through it. Let’s see if I can set a better example with this chore. I’d appreciate it if you’d help me keep my attitude together.” Then sing or tell jokes with the family as you work enthusiastically. Comment on how much faster and more pleasant the job is this time.

When the lesson begins, ask the family for their opinion on the two chores they’d completed. Which chore was easier and more fun? Why?

Tell them the jobs were necessary and they weren’t going to go away just because you hadn’t wanted to do them. Nor would they be any more fun some other day. They had to be done before the meeting, and you only had two real choices. You could do them unhappily or you could do them enthusiastically. The work would be the same, but it’s always more fun and more satisfying to do the work enthusiastically and happily. There’s no point in making life miserable when it doesn’t have to be.

Ask your family to list some things they have to do that they don’t enjoy doing. Then ask them to think of ways to make those tasks more pleasant:

Examples: Homework—decorate the desk and purchase fun school supplies. Make a list of two new things you learned during that homework session and then challenge yourself to beat your record each day.

Room Cleaning: Play music, make up a story to write later, work with a sibling (and then do her chores together, too.)

If you have young children, have them make a face that is smiling if turned one way and frowning if turned the other way.

Template for happy/sad face  The lesson that contains this template also has a song and several poems and action rhymes on choosing to be happy. These can be added to the family night lesson.

Tell your children they can choose to be grumpy while they work, or they can choose to be happy. Choosing happiness makes life more fun.

Hand each person in the family a picture of a flame or invite them to draw one. Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen, in a forthcoming book called, “What We Need to Know and Do,” suggest the first step to generating enthusiasm is to light a fire. Tell your children a fire often symbolizes excitement and enthusiasm. There can be many things we can be enthusiastic about, but to have a Christ-like and successful life, we need to choose our enthusiasms well.

Invite your family to suggest things they get enthusiastic about. Add other things to the list that others might get excited about, both worthy and unworthy things. Ask them to choose which things they consider would give them the most value or provide the most value to others. Help them realize, as they discuss the values of each item on the list, that their enthusiasms should be worthy of their energy and passion.

Ask each of them to choose one very important, worthy thing to become passionate about—something that could really improve their lives or the lives of others. Examples might be education, feeding the hungry, or collecting used books for children who can’t afford them. Ask them to write that item on their flame.

Teach them the difference between the big picture and the details. If you can, have prepared a picture of something familiar. Using the computer enlarge one very small portion of it that makes it hard to tell what the larger item is. Show the detail picture first and let them guess what it is. Then show the big picture. Ask why they weren’t able to tell what it was.

When we focus only on details, we can lose sight of what the big important goal is. Tell a story like this one to illustrate the point:

Joseph’s school was having a food drive. There was going to be a contest and the class that gathered the most food got a prize. Joseph was excited to be helping people have enough to eat. He always had enough to eat at home and it made him sad that some people did not. However, as the contest progressed, he got more and more excited about the prize and forgot that the purpose of the drive was to feed those who are hungry. All he thought about was the prize.

What was the big picture? (feeding the hungry)

What was the small detail Joseph ended up focusing on? (The prize)

Why was this harmful to Joseph’s eternal life?

Ask your children to identify the big picture in their goal. Then ask them to make a list of the details—steps needed to accomplish the big picture. Remind them to keep their eye on the big picture as they work through the smaller steps.

Tell them that carrying out a big goal can be very hard, even when they really care about the goal. They need to work to keep up their enthusiasm. Ask them to identify some ways to make the goal fun, even if some of the steps are not fun.

What can they do if they start to feel discouraged? Invite each family member to place his or her name in a box or bag. Have them take turns drawing out the name of someone in the family. That person will be their support person. If Karen becomes discouraged, for instance, she can call on Megan, who will then help Karen remember the big picture and regain enthusiasm. Talk about some of the methods the support people can use to help keep spirits up, as well as methods that should be avoided.

You might want to plan a family goal as well, so you can model for your children how to carry out a serious goal or project. Choose something everyone cares about, plan smaller steps that lead to the big goal, and work cooperatively to achieve it. The children will often learn their goals require the help of others. As you work, role model the proper attitudes and methods for handling discouragement. Make a visual reminder as a family to help everyone keep an eye on the goal.

Consider the following riddle:

I am your constant companion; I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.

I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.

I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might just as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.

I am easily managed—you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons I will do it automatically.

I am the servant of all great men; and alas, of all failures, as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures.

I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a man. You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin—it makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I? I am habit.  —Anonymous

An established pattern that is automatic is called a habit. You can create a habit in a few weeks and you can break a habit in one day. Some habits are so powerful that they become addictions, and they are not easily broken. There are good habits and bad habits. They become your disposition or natural inclination of behavior. Seek to maintain good habits and seek to eliminate bad habits. It is through the momentum of righteous habits that our inclination to choose the right is reinforced and confirmed.

“First, I would suggest that we teach youth by our own example the importance of acquiring good habits. Bad habits can be such fatal pitfalls. First we could break them if we would, then we would break them if we could. ‘Ill habits,’ said John Dryden, ‘gather by unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, and rivers run to seas.’ Good habits, on the other hand, are the soul’s muscles; the more you use them, the stronger they grow” (Thomas S. Monson, Be Your Best Self [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1979], 93).

“We become what we think and do. Habits mold our character. Good habits are not acquired from good intentions only; they are developed in the workshop of our daily lives. They are fashioned in the often uneventful, commonplace routines of life and strengthened by practice” (L. Tom Perry, Living with Enthusiasm [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1996], 74).

“It is just as easy to form good habits as it is to form bad ones; just as easy to think good thoughts as to think evil ones, and in the words of Paul: ‘Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey, whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?’ and Jesus said to the Jews: ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you, whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin’” (Joseph Fielding Smith, The Restoration of All Things [Salt Lake City: Deseret News Press, 1945], 260–261).

Here are four ideas that can help form a good habit or break a bad one:

1. Rise above your behavior and take mental control.

• Try to understand and appreciate the “why” of the behavior—how it can lead to positive outcomes, or (in the case of a bad habit) how it contributes to discomfort or pain.
• Focus on the benefits. There are natural blessings that come from good habits. Be sure to recognize them and make them part of your internal motivation. If a bad habit is causing you to come up short in your quest for advantages and benefits, then let that fact resonate as part of your resolution to improve.

2. Become strategic with respect to your habits.

• Set a goal with a target date.
• Commit to change. Make a commitment to yourself, your friends, and your family. Write it down! Talk about it!

3. Use effective day-by-day tactics to control and guide your habits.

• Use reminders: a list, a note, a sign, music, or some external reminder that acts as motivation to maintain a good habit or avoid a bad one.
• Seek strength through friendship. Tell a friend and enlist his or her support.
• Maintain a chronicle of excellent patterns of behavior and triumphs over debilitating habits. Keeping a journal will often help you become more objective.
• Be patient. Recognize that sometimes it takes time to break a bad habit, especially if addictive behavior is involved. Recognize that good habits are formed step-by-step with focus and resolve.
• If you stumble in the process, don’t give up; start again! Never give up!
• Pray for strength. The Lord will bless you in your persistence and performance.

4. Remember to include the “little” things—There are many habits that can bless your life. Here is a small list of some of the “little” things to consider that can lead to great outcomes and blessings:

• Have courtesy in all things.
• Express gratitude daily.
• Genuinely compliment others.
• Do random acts of kindness at every opportunity.
• Focus on regular exercise and good eating habits.
• Make family togetherness a priority. Eat together, play together, and pray together.

“We are the sum of our actions, therefore our habits make all the difference.”  —Aristotle

“Habits are chains that are too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” —Samuel Johnson 

“Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.” —Aristotle

Habits make up the true character of the person. You become what you do. You are a result of your choices in all facets of life. Habits take time to establish themselves in our lives. With proper planning we truly have the power to create good habits that will bless our lives in every situation because we will simply do the natural and right thing. In athletics good habits with respect to skills simply become “you” in the heat of competition. Likewise, in life, in the moment of trial, our real self will naturally have the disposition to do good to the extent we have cultivated habits that are noble and uplifting. It is simply our habit. Habits often become traditions within a family. Start good traditions such as family scripture time, family prayer, and family home evenings. Righteous habits such as these will leave a lasting legacy for your family. They will contribute to the cultivation of a pattern of righteous thoughts and actions that will ensure faithfulness over time.

This article has been adapted from What We Need to Know and Do, by Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen.